


you and i (and morgan, too)

by doodlingstories



Series: no happy endings [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Miscarriage, POV Pepper Potts, Pepper Potts Feels, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pregnancy, Tony Stark Has A Heart, but like, this one is very angsty, when isnt my writing angsty lmfao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-24 08:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18567475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlingstories/pseuds/doodlingstories
Summary: “I love that story. Has a certain kick to it, wouldn’t you say? Spicy. Like Pepper.”“The baby isn’t even here yet, and you’re already throwing out dad jokes? Lord help us all.”Tony grins and Pepper’s heart thumps loudly against her chest at the prospect of dad jokes and laughter becoming a part of their daily life.or; Pepper gets pregnant and neither the pregnancy nor the plan to kill Thanos goes the way it was planned.





	you and i (and morgan, too)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is part of a series; i'd recommend reading the first one. also, this one is... EXTREMELY not edited, mostly because i wanted to publish it before i get to see endgame in about 5 hours
> 
> TW: Miscarriage

“I’m pregnant.”

Pepper finds out amidst the chaos that is the Avenging business. They’re looking for a way to defeat Thanos; to make him feel the loss that the entire universe now feels. 

(The Avengers philosophy has admittedly always been to avenge what was lost - but had it ever been this meticulously planned out? Pepper certainly doesn’t think so.)

Tony blinks. 

“ _ What? _ Can- can you repeat that for me?” 

“I’m pregnant.” she repeats, a little exasperated because she knows he heard her perfectly fine the first time.

“Pregnant like, a bun in the oven kind of pregnant? Or like, bloated because you ate too much food kind of pregnant? Not that I’m saying you look bloated. You don’t. You look great as always, honey-”

“Tony.”

“- the yoga sessions must be working wonderfully. I love yoga. Stretching, yada yada, all that fun stuff. It’s so great-”

“ _ Tony! _ ” Pepper calls out, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“Okay, sorry, fuck- I’m- I’m freaking out. Okay? I’m freaking out.  _ Shit _ .”

“Freaking out?” Pepper exclaims surprised. She furrows her brows, “I thought you wanted kids. Or was that just another spur of the moment thing you just said because you felt like it at the time?”

“I did want kids. I mean- I still want kids. I do. But-”

“But what? What are you- oh.  _ Oh. _ ”

“Yeah.” There’s a sorry look in his eyes, and Pepper knows there’s nothing he can do to make the feeling of grief go away. So instead, she tries to make him focus on the positive side of things. 

“You know, I think Peter would be excited about getting a little brother.” Pepper muses. 

“He wasn’t my-”

“Isn’t.” 

“- son- wait, what?”

“You told me you were going to bring them all back, didn’t you? Or was that just a lie?” 

Tony holds her gaze, and she can feel the warmth in the way he’s looking at her.  _ This is the man I married _ , she finds herself thinking,  _ I married someone who looks at me like I’ve hung the moon in the night sky, when it is he who flies next to the stars. _

“I did. And I will do my best.” he finally says softly. 

Pepper gives him a small smile, “I know you will.”

“God, I love you,” he breathes out. She knows he’s going to say something else, so she gives him the time he needs to articulate himself. 

In the end, all he says is this: “Our baby is going to grow up loved.”

(I love you, I love you,  _ I love you. _ )

  
  
  
  


He stands in their biggest empty guestroom with paint buckets by his feet. Pepper lets out a heavy sigh at the sight, and tries not to smile when he grins at her. 

“It’s too early to fix up a nursery,” Pepper tells him with a roll of her eyes. 

“Too early? Excuse you, are you hearing yourself? You’re gonna pop Morgan out-”

“We’re not calling the baby Morgan-”

“- any day now, and you know that I always like to-”

“- and I’m only four months pregnant, Tony, you know that-”

“- be prepared for anything and-”

“ _ Tony! _ ”

That seems to get his attention, because he shuts up in record time. He bites his lip. 

“What?”

Pepper gives him a soft smile, “I understand that you want a nursery. But not yet, okay? Besides, I want to sleep with my baby for the first few months.”

Tony gapes at her, and says a little breathlessly, “Oh. Okay, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, keeping the baby close, yeah. Have I ever told you that you are brilliant, Miss Potts?”

“It’s Mrs. Stark now. Or did you forget?”

Tony grins, and says, “I know, I just like to hear you say it.”

Pepper rolls her eyes once more and lets Tony ramble on like he usually does.

  
  
  
  


(Tony builds the nursery anyways.)

  
  
  
  


After the fifth day of constant pleading, Pepper concedes. She agrees to paint the nursery with him (Tony had complained that it wouldn’t feel right to do that particular task without her) and picks out a worn outfit so she won’t have to worry about the mess that comes with painting. 

She had agreed on one condition. 

“I get to choose the color.”

“Pep. Honey. The light of my life.  _ Pepper _ . Are you sure I can’t-”

“No.”

“Alright,” he pouts, “but quick question, why did I marry you again?”

“Because after you got to know me, you fell in love with me.” she tells him absentmindedly. She goes over to the assortment of paint, and looks at the choices. She notes that there are only two buckets of teal colored paint, so she gets her phone out of her pocket and orders a few more buckets just to be sure. She hears Tony huff, and can practically see the roll of his eyes and the folded arms in her mind when he makes that sound. Once she has put the phone away, she turns to look at him. Sure enough, his expression is just as she had imagined. 

“Right, okay. And how did I get to know you? Wait, even better - why did I even hire you?”

Now it was Pepper’s turn to roll her eyes. Tony knew that story by heart; he didn't really need Pepper to remind him. Still, she decided to indulge him.

“Because I used pepper spray on the guard who wouldn’t let me in to see you since I wanted to rectify something another employee had messed up? I don’t know, the details are so fuzzy since you never bring it up.”

“I love that story. Has a certain kick to it, wouldn’t you say? Spicy. Like Pepper.”

“The baby isn’t even here yet, and you’re already throwing out dad jokes? Lord help us all.”

Tony grins and Pepper’s heart thumps loudly against her chest at the prospect of dad jokes and laughter becoming a part of their daily life.

  
  
  
  


“It’s gonna be a girl.”

“Go to sleep, Tony.”

“I can feel it in my bones.”

“Oh, so your bones are psychic now?”

“Stop being sarcastic just because you know I’m right.”

“Right about what?”

“About it being a girl.”

“Go. To. Sleep.”

“I’m gonna spoil her rotten.” 

Pepper snorts. As if she’d had any doubts about that. 

  
  
  
  


Pepper doesn’t tell Tony that she knows the gender of the baby already. They weren’t supposed to know the gender until they went to the official ‘gender reveal appointment’.

Truth was that Pepper had actually wanted to find out at the same time as Tony. 

But, sadly, there was little she could do when she gets told by the doctor without any warning.

“Shit- I mean- shoot! It’s just, I’m good at my job, yeah? But I’m still pretty new to this part of the job and,  _ oh my god _ , Mrs. Stark, I’m so sorry.”

The doctor looks so nervous that Pepper can’t help but feel sorry for them.

Pepper smiles at the thought of Tony finding out that he had been wrong about the gender all along.

(She decides to keep the secret a little while longer, just until the official appointment.)

  
  
  
  


“ _ Ouch- _ ”

“Honey? You okay?” Tony asks, concern oozing off of him. Pepper gives him a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine. Just hit my hip on the corner.”

Tony shrugs, though his eyes never waver away from her. Pepper rubs her hip, and thinks nothing of the sharp pain she feels by her abdomen. 

  
  
  
  


She sits on the bathroom floor looking at her bloodied hands.

Pepper has no idea how long she sits there, staring blankly at the blood on her fingertips. A strangled sob escapes her mouth. The pain she feels in her chest is not physical; it is worse.  _ So much worse _ . 

The emotional pain is so strong that she thinks she may actually be able to touch it. It hurts so much she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to stand straight. 

(So maybe she did feel physical pain. But one thing was for certain; the pain begins in her chest and is caused by nothing else but heartbreak.)

She tries to get up from the floor, but finds that she can’t. She tries and tries, but just ends up on the floor, surrounded by her own blood.

(But it wasn’t her blood, was it? Not really.)

“My baby…” she chokes out shakily.

It’s then that Tony barges in the room, “What happened? FRIDAY said-  _ shit- _ ”

“ _ My baby- _ ”

“Fuck.”

She never gets up. Instead, Tony ends up on the floor with her. 

They fall asleep together on the floor, covered by blood and heartbreak. 

  
  
  
  


Morgan dies 4 months before he’s supposed to be born.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Tony whispers when she cries herself to sleep at night, and although she can tell he’s not fine with it, she lets herself believe that he is. She needs his support, and for the first time in her life she’s being more dependent on Tony than he is on her. 

(“ _ I don’t have anyone else. _ ”)

He is even the one to break the news to their friends and family because he knows that Pepper can’t stomach it. 

(“ _ You’re all I have too, you know. _ ”)

She pretends not to notice that he has fallen back into a bad habit. He doesn’t sleep. Surprisingly, however, he doesn’t fall into his other bad habits. Tony stays away from alcohol, stays away from his lab, and stays loyal to Pepper. 

Tony creates a new routine for himself. Wake up, eat, Avengers business, eat, Avengers business, eat, and then sleep. Tony also carefully throws another thing into his routine - namely, taking care of Pepper. 

Silently, she wonders how he manages to stay so strong. Is it because he has already lost one kid? Or is his strength built out of something else?

But then she sees his smile falter, sees the red in his eyes caused by hidden tears, and she knows that while he may be strong, he is hurting as well. 

  
  
  
  


“You have to eat, Pep.”

It used to be her taking care of him. It used to be her asking him to eat. It used to be her making sure he slept. 

(It used to be her, it used to be her,  _ it used to be her _ .) 

She feels like an empty shell of her former self. Pepper doesn’t know how to fix this; fix  _ herself _ . And, sadly, Tony doesn’t know how to fix it either. Because truly, that’s what Tony does. He fixes things. 

Too bad Pepper is broken beyond repair. 

“I’m not really hungry.” 

Tony gives her a concerned look, and tells her, “Don’t make me feed you out of force. I did that to Peter once, and let me tell you, food ended up  _ everywhere _ .”

Pepper smiles weakly at that. Tony stares intently at her, but doesn’t say anything. He looks like he wants to say something to her, but doesn’t really know how. For a lack of a better word, he looks slightly constipated.

(If Pepper weren’t so broken, maybe she would’ve laughed at that thought.)

“What?” Pepper asks after she notices the silence stretching on for too long. 

“Why won’t you talk to me,” Tony blurts out. Pepper blinks. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You… I can’t help you the way I want to if you don’t tell me how.”

_ You help me by being by my side _ , she thinks but never says. 

“I’m here for you, you know that, right? As long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here for you. But I can’t… I can’t help. You need to tell me, Pepper, please.”  
  
In the end, all she asks is for him to stay. 

He tells her he will in a soft manner he’s never spoken to her in before. He tells her that he’ll never leave her, not now, not after everything they’ve been through.

(In hindsight, Pepper should’ve known it was a lie.)

  
  
  
  


Two weeks later, Tony dies saving the universe. Her heart dies along with him.

She remembers the day he left, remembers telling him, “Come back to me, Tony.”

He’d told her that he would try. 

She had told him to promise her that he would return, no matter how battered. Alive would’ve been good enough.

He never promised he’d return.

There were no broken promises on his end. 

Is it wrong of her to resent him for that, for not promising his return? Probably. 

She resents him anyways.

(She doesn’t.)

  
  
  
  


She puts off seeing the message Tony had left behind in one of his Iron Man helmets. When she finally does, she immediately regrets it. 

“If you get this, Thanos has been defeated. If you get this, that also means that I… didn’t survive. But… you’re safe, Peter is safe, everyone I care about is safe. The universe is safe. And that’s all that matters to me.”

He had loved the universe more than he had loved her. 

Pepper isn’t sure whether she hates him or loves him more for that. 

(It’s neither.) 

(She neither loves him more, nor does she hate him more; her love for him has always been constant.)

(Constant like his insecurities. Constant like his selflessness. Constant like his love for her, though it was never strong enough to make him stay.)

  
  
  
  


They never find his body. 

“He… disintegrated after he restored the universe. Turned into dust.”

They never find his body because there is no body to find. 

  
  
  
  


Peter never got to say goodbye. Pepper can’t imagine how she would’ve felt had it been her. At least she had gotten to say goodbye. To have one last conversation with him. 

At the funeral with the empty casket, May urges Peter forward so he can be closer to Pepper. 

They don’t talk to each other during the ceremony. They don’t even look at each other. But then he grabs her hand and squeezes it lightly when he sees the tears falling from her eyes, and Pepper  _ feels _ again. 

(Exactly what she felt that day, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. She thinks it might’ve been something akin to that paternal feeling that Tony had felt whenever he was in near proximity to Peter, but casts that thought away rather quickly. Peter already had May - he didn’t need Pepper, too.)

  
  
  
  


“Hey Mrs. Stark… I know we don’t know each other that well and all, but May isn’t home and I used to sleep over at, uh, his place before- before everything whenever I was alone because I kind of can’t sleep whenever it’s too quiet and- and I know it’s invasive and all-”

“I’ll call Happy and get him to pick you up.” 

“... Thanks.” 

  
  
  
  


With the help of Peter, May and Happy, she manages to pull herself out of the dark just enough to function once more. It had dawned on her, a few weeks after Tony’s funeral, that she couldn’t wallow in her grief any longer because of one major reason. 

Stark Industries. 

An entire company relies on her. Their jobs, their normal lives; it all depends on Pepper. 

She has no other choice but to keep moving forward. 

(Her body keeps moving but her heart stays behind.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> lol


End file.
